


Wish you were sober

by mattsuhana



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, College Parties, Drinking, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, POV Iwaizumi Hajime, kind of a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25223383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattsuhana/pseuds/mattsuhana
Summary: Oikawa was intoxicating, and Iwaizumi, as selifsh as he was, stayed for a minute longer even if he knew that he'd have to let go by morning.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	Wish you were sober

Usually, people took Iwaizumi as the boring type. He didn’t look like the type to get wasted every night, or smoke until his lungs burned, or make out with every girl on sight that batted his eyelashes seductively in front of him. 

And he wasn’t. 

However, Iwaizumi didn’t dislike parties either, but he prefered enjoying them in another way. He liked alcohol, at least, enough to get a little tipsy every now and then and have a few stories that he couldn’t really tell to his mom or auntie. He couldn’t say he hadn’t smoked a few times, or hit a blunt, but to be honest it wasn’t really his style. As to the girls? Sure, he had gotten laid a couple of times, no feelings involved, of course.

So yeah, he would say he wasn’t the boring type either.

“Hey, Haj!” A voice screamed to make sure it was heard through the loud music. In an instant, an arm was wrapped around his shoulders. It spilled a little of the content of his plastic cup, and if it had been another person, Iwaizumi was sure the party would have taken an interesting turn. However, when he turned around a bit to look, a smug grin made its way up his face

“Someone’s already tipsy, huh?” He asked, untangling from the man’s grip and looking at him intently, arms crossed and left brow raised while he contemplated the mess Kuroo was. As always, his bed head was uncontrollable, falling on his face even more now. He had two pairs of sunglasses resting on the top of his head and lots of serpentine strings that intertwined with the locks of his hair. Lastly, a bottle of, probably cheap Jagger, hanged from his right hand. He didn’t have a strong grip on it either.

“You’ll be drunk in under an hour” He retorted, stealing one of Kuroo’s sunglasses as he took the bottle from his hold. Iwaizumi took a long sip, licking his lips as he left the alcohol on the table, not surprised to find he had written his name and Bokuto’s on it.

“Not today, I have early training tomorrow, so pass” 

“Wait that-”

“Hey, Hey, Hey, Haj!” Another voice chimed in, and this time, it was Kuroo the one that was almost strangled between way more ripped arms. 

Bokuto’s hair layed down on his head, as it always happened when he was sweaty. His own sunglasses were shaped like stars and his sweatshirt was clearly drenched in water, so, Iwaizumi assumed, he must have taken a trip to the pool. Despite Kuroo being the one that had taken custody of their shared alcohol, Bokuto held two more bottles in his hands, and given by the intense blush of his cheeks, he had emptied one and a half.

“Bokuto, bro, you have trainin tomorrow, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Bro, it’s on Saturday chill” The other answered, dragging the last syllable and changing his posture, positioning almost all his weight on Kuroo, stumbling a little bit on the process.

“Today it’s Friday, Kou, what the fuck?” Bokuto lifted his sunglasses slowly, looking at the other man with wide eyes. Hajime almost failed to catch the bottle he dropped.

“Say sike right now”

Iwaizumi, chuckling a little, walked over to the fridge grabbing the bottles on the way and leaving the two alone. It wouldn’t be the first time Bokuto went to train with a hangover, needless to say, he didn’t perform as well, but it was worth the sight. They were the firsts in league right now, so maybe just this once, they could take it easy.

As he opened the refrigerator, ready to play tetris with the content of it so he could fit his friends bottles another duo of voices, maybe even more chaotic than Bokuto and Kuroo greeted him.

“What’s up, Iwa? Wanna try?” Makki said, quickly taking a joint from Matskawa’s lips and offering it to him.

“Pass” Iwaizumi answered with another chuckle, sitting on the counter in front of the fridge and his friends. He stretched his legs a little and cracked his knuckles, sighing the littlest bit when he felt the tension on his body decrease a little more.

“Suit yourself, then” Leaving a kiss on the crook of Makki’s neck, the taller man took the blunt back “I thought you’d be…” 

Matsukawa cut himself short, and Iwaizumi was sure his friend was cursing at himself inside. As if it was his fault. Hajime felt a jab on his stomach, as if someone had hit him, because he knew exactly what Matsukawa was looking at.

It wasn’t the first time they had seen that view.

It certainly wasn’t the first nor the last time Hajime would be seeing it. 

It still hurt the same.

Because Hajime wasn’t the type to get wasted at parties and not remember anything the day after. But Tooru was.

“So, how was today’s training” Makki said, trying to change the topic, attract Iwaizumi’s attention, make him forget about the situation.

But Iwaizumi had already seen it.

The way Oikawa’s right hand tightly grabbing the girl’s hip, bringing her closer and closer until their bodies were touching everywhere they could, as if the thin air that separated them was toxic for the two. His other hand was intertwined with her locks, pulling slightly so he could deepen the kiss, and his knee was trapped between his tights. The only time Oikawa pulled back to breathe, his eyes reflected lust, or at least, that was what Iwaizumi thought they’d looked like.

He wouldn’t know.

“Hey, Iwa” Matsukawa spoke, softly “You can spend the night at our place if you like”

“It’s fine” He answered, Looking a last time at Oikawa who had moved on to the girl’s neck. Iwaizumi took the joint for Makki’s hand at the same time the girl’s head hit the wall, and not for the first time, he was glad that the music inside Terushima’s house was so loud “It’s fine” He repeated, taking a drag.

He spent the rest of the night with Matsukawa and Makki, eventually drifting off with the two to join Kuroo and Bokuto. They always ended up with each other, they even had a group chat because of it. 

Time passed by as the five joked around together. Bokuto got wasted around five, and Kuroo, only slightly more sober, took that as his cue to walk back to the ace’s dorm. They were still looking through offers to rent an apartment.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Makki asked again around six through swollen lips, struggling to keep Matsukawa off of him.

“I’m fine, I’ll just go get him” Starting to walk towards the hall, Iwaizumi turned back, shooting a last glance at his friends “Use protection”

He was sure he could hear Mattsun’s smug grin, and chuckling, maybe a little more loudly than it was usual, he made his way through the few people that were still on the house. 

It didn’t take long to find Oikawa, scattered on a sofa with multiple lipsticks stains on his neck. The two first buttons of his shirt were open, and half of it wasn’t tucked in. His hair was messy, and same as Makki’s, his lips were swollen. His head was thrown back, and Iwaizumi knew for sure he had exceeded himself that night.

“Wake up, we are going home” Iwaizumi, spoke. Then, his friend’s head shifted its angle slightly, and with a grin on his face, he looked at Hajime.

“Carry me, Iwa-chan”

“No, get up” He insisted as another jab of pain shot through his heart. There was a hickey just below Oikawa’s ear. It was nothing but a reminder of reality, and, as he turned around, knowing that his friend would follow him, his voice came out a little harsher than intended “Or I’m leaving without you”

Thing is, Terushima was the one that hosted parties at least, ninety percent of the time. Not only because he was the only one that had bought a house instead of a shitty apartment. All thanks to his successful contract with a popular modelling agency. But because it was perfectly located. Far enough for them not having to worry about bothering the neighbours, but still close enough for everyone to get home by just walking fifteen minutes. And, giving how wasted people got out of Terushima’s house after his parties, everyone was glad. No way they could drive like that.

Iwaizumi usually enjoyed those small walks in the dark, on some nights Makki, Mattsun, Oikawa and him would race, taking different paths and would end up falling asleep as soon as they reached the door. On others, when they didn’t have any appointment for the next day and Makki and Mattsun had decided to return to their lovers nest, Oikawa and him would slow down. The fifteen minute walk would turn into a thirty minutes one, but it was worth it.

Most of the time it was just them remembering their times back in Miyagi, or daydreaming about the future. What they would do when they finished university. Iwaizumi didn’t know if Oikawa wondered the same things he did. If he thought about their futures, instead of only his own.

He usually enjoyed those late night walks.

But he certainly wasn’t enjoying it right now.

Oikawa was a touchy and affectionate person by nature. Ever since he was a kid, he would throw himself onto Iwaizumi, hug him everytime he was scared, hold his hand when they walked together, kiss him on the cheek when he got excited.

Iwaizumi wasn’t a touch starved person, couldn’t be with Kuroo and Bokuto as friends.

He starved for Oikawa’s caressing touches, though. And, by luck, drunk Oikawa was only more… demonstrative.

“You smell sweaty” Oikawa would say, with his own body drenched in alcohol, both outside and inside. And, even more hypocritical, actually being carried by Iwaizumi. It wasn’t his fault, Oikawa was just really persistent, and with such a mellow voice and glowing eyes, how was he supposed to deny the other?

“Get off then”

“No way!” Oikawa shouted, moving suddenly, which almost caused the both of them to trip. Iwaizumi was very thankful for the streets being that empty, if anything, they’d run into people in the same or worse state as they were “Your arms are really nice, Iwa-chan”

Ignoring the rush of blood going straight to the tip of his ears, Iwaizumi jumped a little so he could carry his friend better. A bad idea, really, because adjusting to the new position, Oikawa dropped his head on the crook of his neck.

His soft hair tickled Iwaizumi, and with each breath he took, warm air would fly to his sensitive skin, making him shiver at the contact. He could hear Oikawa mumbling, low enough that although being that near to his ear, he couldn’t really make up the words. His pale hands laid just above his chest, and one of them was now grabbing his shirt, making a fistful of it.

Not that he was able to focus on those nice sensations that much, because as soon as he had moved Oikawa, the smell of multiple woman’s perfumes had emanated from his clothes.

And, with Tooru’s hand as close to his chest as it was, maybe he had been able to feel Hajime’s heart shattering a little more.

“Move like that again and I’m dropping you”

Between Oikawa’s constant shifting, and Iwaizumi’s, also constant, fake threats of leaving him in the street, they finally reached their home.

As usual, Iwaizumi was the one that had taken the keys, not because Oikawa was unable to take care of them, but because, most of the time, he was uncomfortable with them in his pocket. To be fair, in Hajime’s humble opinion, he looked really good in those skinny dark jeans, so he didn’t mind keeping the keys with him through the night.

“Get off, we are here” Iwaizumi warned when they reached the elevator. And, Oikawa sloppily got down of his back.

He looked stable enough to walk from the elevator to his bed, but, maybe being a little selfish this time, Iwaizumi held his hand until they were in front of the main door of their apartment.

“Hey, Iwa-chan” Oikawa muttered from behind him, his pinky finger was still intertwined with his friends own, and he rested his head on his shoulder, only difficulting Iwaizumi’s task of opening the door. He must have been a little more wasted than he thought, huh.

“What do you want, Tooru?” He answered, tilting his head back with a frown on his face. He wasn’t the most patient, to be honest, and the door was already testing him.

“You are really cute when you frown like that”

Oikawa leaned in, mirroring Hajime’s tilted head, nearing him slowly, as if he was testing the waters, or rather, enjoying the view, as a child who is seeing the sea for the first time would. Iwaizumi’s eyes closed without his warning, and as Tooru’s lips brushed against his, the door clicked open.

“It’s open” He stated, grateful that his voice hadn’t come out shaky. They left their shoes at the entrance, but Hajime wasn’t able to walk more than a few steps before Oikawa grabbed his shoulder, enough force to make him turn around “What the fuck, Shitty-”

Hajime couldn’t continue, because this time, Tooru’s lips weren’t brushing against his. They were fully colliding. 

Same as Oikawa’s hair, or skin, his lips were soft. They weren’t chapped like his own, and he didn’t need to look at them to know they were a lot more pink than his too. Oikawa was kissing him hard, tilting his head, grabbing his hair, grasping on to him as if he would collide if he didn’t.

And, he probably would if he did, right?

He was drunk, after all.

Iwaizumi was the one that let go, and the cold on his skin as he gently pushed Oikawa away made his whole body shiver. He only needed to look at his friend for an instant for reality to hit him again. 

Oikawa had swollen lips, because he had kissed at least a dozen of people that night, because he was drunk, same reason why he had kissed Hajime. His hair was messy, because he had let people run dirty hands through it, and his brown curly locks were now displayed in thousands of different angles, because he was drunk, same reason why he had let Hajime run his hands through it too. His face was red, he was blushing, because right now, Oikawa was probably seventy percent alcohol instead of water, and that’s why he had kissed Hajime.

“I’m going to bed” He stated, looking at Oikawa’s glassy eyes for a moment before he turned around. Starting to take off his sweatshirt, he noticed it was now soaked on Oikawa’s scent now, meaning it reeked of alcohol and cheap perfumes.

“Wait, Hajime”

“Mm?” He tilted his head back a little, sweatshirt trapped on his arms, the skin of his low back was exposed now. Surely, that was the reason why a chill had gone up his spine.

“Can I sleep with you?”

“Sure” He muttered back, walking over to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and of course, get a wet towel to place over Oikawa’s head. He already had a glass of water and painkillers on his nightstand, Hajime had left them there in the morning.

Unfortunately for Iwaizumi, having let Oikawa sleep with him hadn’t been a good idea. He had refused to take a shower before sleeping, meaning he was sticky to say the least, and his mascara was all over the pillow now, making a perfect mix along with his drool. 

Not that that was the reason why he hadn’t slept well. The memories from last night repeated on loop in his head, so falling asleep easily wasn’t an option. He kept thinking about how Oikawa had kissed him.

In that moment, it’d made him feel excited, like a child opening his Christmas’ presents, but now, with much more of a cool head, he felt disgusted by his actions. He was the sober one, shouldn’t he take responsibility? He had taken advantage of his friend, even if Oikawa had started the kiss, he wasn’t aware of his surroundings.

He grabbed the pillow and smashed to his face, fighting with himself to not let out a groan. Given how the alarm rang off in that exact instant, he might have as well let it out. It’s not like Oikawa would wake up either. Damn, had he been so caught up in his own thoughts that he had forgot how of a heavy sleeper his friend was?

This time, with a low groan, he got up, ready to head to training. He only hoped Bokuto wasn’t still as wasted as the previous night.

_

Bokuto had, indeed, been as wasted as the previous night.

Not that that mattered now, already three days later, Iwaizumi thought, if he was any lucky, he would get even more drunk tonight, and even better, he could sleep all morning long. Coach had cancelled training tomorrow.

It was only expected, they had played amazingly well. And it wasn’t everyday that you started the upcoming league with a win.

So, as a reward, coach had treated them to some drinks at a pub near campus, and, of course, had ended up going home accompanied by two of their teammates. It happened every time they went out, it was almost an inside joke between the team.

“That old man always gets dead drunk with just a sip of beer”

“You aren’t any better Tsum-Tsum, you get wasted with just two” Bokuto commented, making the whole table roar with laughter as their setter, Atsumu, blushed, trying to hide it behind his own drink.

“Oh, shut up, ya buff titan”

Iwaizumi chuckled, taking a long sip of his own beer. It was nice getting together with their teammates like this every now and then. And, if anything, better when they had started off the season like that. So, as he enjoyed the moment, time flew.

“Goodbye guys!” Bokuto greeted, jumping up and down and beaming with happiness, still not the least bit tipsy after six beers. He was a heavyweight drinker, something that Iwaizumi had suspected since before meeting him, you just had to look at the guy to know that six beers where the amount needed to maybe, with luck, make one of his biceps drunk, but nothing else “Hey Tsum-Tsum, you up for another round?”

“Mm, sure why-”

“What do you mean another round?” Iwaizumi barged in, gaining a chuckle from Koutarou, his black earrings were shining, illuminated by the lampposts. After a few steps, still grabbing to Atsumu’s shoulder, Bokuto spoke again.

“Kuroo’s team won too” And, if either of them had wanted to refuse, the feeling was gone by now. Koutarou’s look had hunger on his eyes. Apparently, he wasn’t a monster just on the court.

In less than fifteen minutes, they had already reached the house where the party was being thrown at. 

Iwaizumi cursed himself for not having imagined it before.

Of course it’d be Terushima’s house. Again.

“Hey, Kou! Over here!” A voice shouted from the kitchen, and, making their way through the crowded space, the three of them neared Kuroo.

“Man, this is better than expected!” Atsumu said, throwing a side look to Kuroo, a smirk already working its way up his face “I mean, better than expected for you, Tetsu”

Koutarou’s laugh roared through the whole house and Iwaizumi was surprised to find two transparent bottles already in his hand. He inspected the house a little, obviously, not only filled with Kuroo’s and Oikawa’s teammates. The house was packed with people and, as usual, finding Terushima was the easiest. He was making a small fire in the backyard this time.

“Where’s Daichi?” Iwaizumi asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest, trying to look intimidating. He was sure that, in less than a minute, Kuroo and Atsumu would be racing each other to see who downed uncountable shots of tequila the first. And, tonight, he didn’t feel like crawling back home or having to punch two idiots.

The three of them looked deceased at the mention of Kuroo’s team captain. With a gulp the tallest of them pointed towards the second living room, one that Iwaizumi hoped was a little less crowded.

“Hey guys!” Suddenly, a pair of pale hands grabbed Iwaizumi’s shoulders “Hope you saved some of that for me, Kou”

With a loud cheer, coming for the three and Suga already on board, Iwaizumi waved to them as he walked over to the living room. If he knew anything about Koushi and worse, about Koushi being together with Bokuto and Kuroo, they would be bombing in to the swimming pool in less than an hour. Maybe less, with Atsumu added into the mix.

Iwaizumi took his time to get to the living room. Getting through the dozens of bodies that danced along the music everywhere wasn’t an easy task. But, at least, the number of people seemed to be decreasing as he reached the room, so, if he was lucky, he could talk to Daichi in peace. It wasn’t usual for the team captain to go to most parties, and, the few times he did, it was a request from Suga.

To him, it made sense, he had only seen Daichi drunk once, and, never in his life had he witnessed something like that. Just thinking about it gave him chills.

“Hey, Haj” 

“Hey Daichi, all alone over here, huh?” Iwaizumi answered, seating on the arm of the couch as he stretched his back a little. Besides a few people chatting, and the noise that came from Terushima’s backyard, there was a calm atmosphere.

“Suga wanted me to tag along but I don’t really feel like drinking tonight”

“You don’t feel like drinking or you don’t want to end up wasted with just a shot?”

“Both, I guess” Daichi answered, chuckling and taking a sip of his cup, which Iwaizumi didn’t have to guess, contained only water “Congratulations for the win, man. I didn’t get to see the match, but good job”

“Same goes to you, I heard it was tight game”

“Well, yeah” Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at the other’s response, he wasn’t the most perceptive, but he had known Daichi for a few years now, and that way of scratching his nape meant something was up “We had to change setters on the second set”

That, had actually caught him off guard.

“Why?”

“Uh, Oikawa seemed distracted” The other continued, he looked apologetic as if it was his fault that the main setter of the team wasn’t performing as he was supposed to “I’m sure it was just a bad day, though”

Daichi took a sip, eyeing Iwaizumi. But, to be honest, his mind was elsewhere now, not even near Terushima’s house.

Oikawa didn’t have bad days. He performed incredibly well ever since that match in middle school where he had benched the second set. He knew it wasn’t the same scenario, Iwaizumi knew the other setter of the team, he wasn’t even half as good as Oikawa. So what did Oikawa do to get sat down?

Theories that he couldn’t prove kept running through his mind, and after chatting with Dachi for fifteen minutes, only a way to take his mind off the pressing issue, he decided he needed to get a bit of clean air.

He got out of the living room, feeling a little dizzy although he hadn’t drank anything, nor smoked, without Makki and Mattsun there, he wouldn’t be doing it any time soon. Maybe, it was the music and the atmosphere of the house. No matter how loud the ambient was, it couldn’t make his thoughts stop.

Changing routes, he walked to the bathroom. Maybe, a splash of water straight to his face would calm him down, right? He avoided the ones that were being guarded by girls, assuring that their friends wouldn’t get interrupted when they were minding their business. He was sure that he had been wandering over the halls for at least fifteen minutes when he found an empty one.

He opened the door, taking a step in.

Or at least, one that looked empty.

His chest dropped, and his heart felt like it had been stabbed multiple times without mercy. Oikawa was there once again, with another random girl’s lips on his neck, with his own hands gripping her thighs, keeping her in place as he licked and left lipstick all around his friends skin.

It was a shocking sight, a lewd one, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but run from it as soon as he saw it.

Damn, he could even hear Oikawa’s rushed breaths as he closed the door.

Needless to say, when Iwaizumi finally found Makki and Mattsun, the night went by in an instant.

_

He still needed to get home. A home that he shared with Oikawa. And, for the first time since they had started university, he returned home without his childhood friend. He didn’t want to repeat the other’s day incident, and was sure that if Oikawa got home alone, he would instantly drop in bed instead of peppering him with lazy kisses and asking Iwaizumi to carry him home.

So Iwaizumi didn’t bother to act as if he was asleep, he continued watching whatever was playing on the TV, stuffing popcorn into his mouth without a care in the world.

When the door opened, however, and Oikawa walked into the living room his mind filled with worries. Had he been selfish when he left him there alone? Was Oikawa alright? Had he let his feelings get the best out of him again? Fuck, Oikawa had already had a bad day, the last thing he needed was for his best friend to try and get rid of him.

“Hey, how was the party?” Iwaizumi asked, stopping the stupid game show that was playing to look at his friend. His brown deep eyes were asking a question without words, and Iwaizumi could read them perfectly “I stayed for a while but got bored”

The memories of Oikawa’s rushed breaths were enough to make him avert his gaze for a bit, but a moment later he was looking at the brunette again, staring directly at his neck, of course, full of hickeys and lipstick, the same as it had been three nights before.

He was about to speak again, sure that Oikawa hadn’t heard his initial question. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, he looked like a mess and, probably, felt like one. However, his friend beat him to it.

“Iwa-chan, move” Oikawa said, with a sleepy voice, still, there was an unfamiliar ring to it. He kicked his thigh as to establish his point more. 

“You should shower and go to bed”

He didn’t answer.

Instead, he dropped on top of Iwaizumi, making himself comfortable. So now, OIkawa’s left leg was trapped between Iwaizumi’s, pressing on his thigh. His head rested on the crook of his shoulder, tickling his skin with his soft hair and his small breaths. His right hand made a fistful with his shirt.

And Iwaizumi was panicking, because he couldn’t let this happen again, because Oikawa was drunk, and he wouldn’t remember it in the morning, and he would be responsible of getting carried away with his own desires. Ones that Oikawa didn’t share.

Then, Tooru started peppering kisses on his neck, leaving small trays of saliva as he did so. When he was satisfied with the left side of Iwaizumi’s neck, he moved over, and his knee, pressed down on Iwaizumi, causing him to let out a huffed breath.

“Tooru you…”

But as soon as the words came out of his mouth, Oikawa stopped kissing and caressing his neck. Instead, his tongue traced the length of his neck, moving up and down, sucking and leaving red marks all over it, kissing along his jaw until he got to his lips.

Oikawa rested his weight on his hands so he could look at Iwaizumi from the top, and licking his lips, sparing only a glance full of hunger towards his childhood friend, attacked his lips.

Oikawa’s were soft and they tasted like pure alcohol, vodka maybe, Iwaizumi was an eighty percent sure. They moved fast, as if he needed to devore him, to get everything he could now in case tomorrow wouldn’t come, and Iwaizumi couldn’t say he was any different.

He knew it was wrong, that he would regret all of this in the morning too, but his mind was hazy. He was lost on the way Oikawa’s lips moved against his own, the way he pressed down on him, the thought of hickeys on his neck that belonged to him and only him.

The illusion that Oikawa was his and only his.

Catching his breath, Oikawa broke the kiss and moved to Iwaizumi’s neck, tracing another line until he reached the shell of his ear. He licked just behind, making Iwaizumi let out a surprised groan, and with a shaky but confident breath, whispered.

“Hajime”

If there was anything he needed to break Oikawa’s spell, it was that.

He grabbed his friend by the shoulders, carefully pushing him away until he could get up of the sofa. 

Without looking back Iwaizumi walked to his room.

“Get a shower and go to sleep”

_

Things only started to get more difficult after that. And Iwaizumi’s usual fun and a little over the top party nights, became something completely different. 

He’d get ready for it, without paying much attention to what they were celebrating, maybe the end of mid-term exams, some game they had won, that Terushima got a boyfriend or girlfriend, that Terushima was single again after a week. He didn’t really care anymore.

Iwaizumi would like to say he had a strong willpower, that addictions weren't things that affected him easily. But he had to admit there had been a common pattern to the latest parties that he was waiting for. It only made him feel worse each time.

He’d get to the party, talk to Kuroo, or Bokuto, or Makki, or whoever was in reach to try and keep his mind off the inevitable sight he’d be seeing by the end of the night. Each time, he tried to spend more time with them, less looking around, but as if it was what fate wanted, he would run into Oikawa.

And each damn time he’d see the same view. Oikawa scattered around, maybe in a couch, a toilet, the backyard with his button up made a mess, the white fabric clinging to his skin as if it was holding for dear life. His usually perfectly and carefully brushed hair now displayed in every angle and position, not making him any less attractive. And the worse, his skin flushed red and full of marks. Some recent and others that hadn’t faded yet.

Iwaizumi couldn’t look at some of them, knowing they were his only made him feel more and more guilty. He was being selfish every night.

So eventually, he stopped going to the parties, every excuse was a valid one, so, some days he’d have to finish a project, or have dinner with his parents who were visiting, or needed to take care of the neighbour’s cat while she was away.

Of course, if there was anyone that knew all of that wasn’t true, it was Oikawa, but apparently, he didn’t question it. 

He still had offered to give his friend a lift whenever he needed it. Getting as wasted as he did, he was afraid that Oikawa wouldn’t find his way home, and still, he prefered to hold on to the keys.

That’s something that he, eventually, had to stop doing too.

Oikawa would get in the car, guide Iwaizumi’s hand towards his thigh and whisper sweet drunk words in his ear. And Iwaizumi? He had to grip the steering wheel harder, to push Oikawa when he licked his neck just when they had reached their destination and, of course, carry him to bed. Because lately, Oikawa was completely losing it.

And Iwaizumi noticed.

He had tried to talk to him about drinking moderately, but Oikawa would simply shrug and comment something about how much of an old soul Iwaizumi was.

Now, he barely got to see Oikawa, even if they lived together.

His friend would wake up late in the morning, so Iwaizumi would already be at training or at university. He wouldn’t return to eat at home, and Hajime didn’t dare to ask him anymore if he wanted to eat out, Oikawa would always have something to do. By afternoon, both of them had to train or do homework, and by night, Oikawa would leave the apartment, ready to go drink and smoke until his body gave out. Then, Kuroo or Mattsun would take him home, and the only thing Iwaizumi would hear about it was the door unlock.

It had been two months since the first incident, and Hajime was losing his mind.

One night, his phone rang while he was binge watching the Godzilla movies, and, with a groan he picked up, leaving the popcorn aside. He didn’t bother to check the caller ID, if things went his way, the call would end before it had even started.

“What-”

“Haj, can you come get Oikawa?” A voice said at the end of the line, and Iwaizumi instantly recognised it as Makki. There was a chorus of loud voices behind him and of cours, the familiar noise of loud music.

“Why? Can’t one of you bring him?” He asked, not as an accusation, but out of pure curiosity. None of his friends would refuse to bring the brunette if it was necessary, and lately, it had always been.

“He doesn’t wanna come with us. Mattsun is talking to him about it but he’s just ignoring us, dude” Makki continued, and Iwaizumi could hear him from time to time trying to speak to Matsukawa “Seriously, I don’t know what else to do, bro. I even offered him milk bread”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Want me to take you home too?”

“Nah, Mattsun’s driving. Just get here fast”

“Got you”

So, only stopping a minute to pause the movie, Iwaizumi rushed to get ready and left the apartment.

_

Five minutes later, Iwaizumi had already reached Terushima’s house. He greeted Makki and Mattsun, and with an aching chest, carried Oikawa to the car.

He looked objectively horrible. Pale as ever, with bags under his eyes, and Iwaizumi hadn’t noticed before, but his wrist was now bandaged. He clinged to his back until Hajime opened the door for him and gently, let him on the passenger’s sit.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan”

Then, he started driving, his mind was clouded with possible conversations that he needed to have in the morning with his friend. All along the same lines, he was overstepping, ruining his future career as a professional volleyball player, his opportunities of becoming a film major, and worse, himself.

He grabbed the steering wheel with so much strength that his knuckles went white. It was his fault, for having run away from Oikawa because he only knew how to be selfish by his side. If he had known pushing him each other away would have made this to Tooru… Then he prefered getting his heart broken every other night.

They finally reached their destination, and Iwaizumi stopped the car.

He couldn’t wait until morning to talk it out. He didn’t care if by tomorrow he’d have to repeat every single word to him. He needed to do it now. 

Before getting a word out, Oikawa trapped his lips. Only for a moment, leaving a sweet kiss and retreating.

“Oikawa-”

“Iwa-chan, are you mad at me?” The other interrupted, voice shaky. And that, definitely surprised him. Oikawa was a confident person, someone who despite of his insecurities, believed in his abilities. Why did he sound so… broken.

“Why would I be mad at you?” He answered, wary of his words. He only remembered one time where Oikawa had been like this. Middle school, after his first match getting benched, when things had starting spiralling out of control and he had ended up injuring his knee. 

“For kissing you”

It was so stupid. And it hurt so much. 

He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and with a low chuckle, he spoke again.

“No Tooru, I just wish you were sober”

A cold hand found its way towards his cheek, and, caressing the skin with his thumb Oikawa brushed his tears away.

“I am now” Iwaizumi looked at him, chuckling a bit again, he didn’t need to check to know Oikawa was lying. However, when his eyes met his, he realized they were sharp, analytical and soft at the same time. Was Oikawa really… “I-I… almost had a panic attack at the party. I just” With a gulp, the brunette put his hand away, and taking a deep breath, continued “So I wanted you to come pick me up and- look I- I don’t know if you are avoiding me because of what happened. And I was so worried I-I got benched and-”

“What do you mean?” Iwaizumi said, horrified by how shaky his own voice sounded.

“Whenever I kissed you, you… You were always gone in the morning so I thought- And I know I’ve been horrible, getting with all those people every night and… I just. They weren’t you, Hajime, and I had a false hope, I guess? That they’d fill that void but eventually…” Another gulp “I needed you, only you” Iwaizumi noticed, there were no more marks on Oikawa’s skin. Only his milky pale skin. And his pinky finger was brushing his “Sorry for being selfish”

So Hajime did the only thing he could.

He kissed Oikawa, with passion, and still scared of how badly his chest was aching to touch Tooru. To finally feel his lips without any shame or guilt, and to run his hands through his hair knowing he was the only one allowed to do so. He was the one to invade Oikawa’s mouth, taking control of the kiss and exploring his mouth with fervor and hunger even if he felt his own tears wet his cheeks. Taking in everything at once, being the selfish one once again.

Then, before parting, he left a sweet and short kiss on the other’s lips

“We are idiots, Tooru” Hajime said “I’m sorry I made you feel rejected. I was scared that I was taking advantage of you. I was selfish too”

“Does that mean you…”

Iwaizumi leaned in, placing a kiss on Tooru’s equally wet cheek, looking at him with what he hoped was the sweetest and fondest eyes ever.

“I love you, Tooru”

With another chuckle, and a hiccup caused by the tears, Oikawa answered. A big smile on his face.

“I love you too, Hajime”

**Author's Note:**

> So no need to say but this was inspired by Conan Gray's Wish you were sober (go listen to it, for real it's awesome)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the ride because this was supposed to be much shorter but ended up getting out of hand. Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> ttannnshima on tumblr!


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